Sophomore Ella Sams combats her low self-esteem through her art. Cartoon by Ella Sams.
By ELLA SAMS – Broadcast Staff
Although it rarely affects others, a warped self image can have devastating effects, many of which can be found in my own mind.
I press my forehead up to the mirror and stare straight ahead, blinking away persistent tears and watching my hair as it connects the dots of the freckles lining my cheeks.
“Of all things, Ella,” I tell myself. “Of all things, you let something like this get to you.”
I wouldn’t be able to tell you a time I didn’t feel a pain in my chest when looking into a mirror. All my life, and recently more than ever, I’ve suffered from extreme dissatisfaction toward my appearance.
I know what you’re thinking. It’s no life-threatening disease, sad story of long lost twins reuniting, or near death experience.
But, this is real.
My childhood was a battleground of comments. At dance class it was my face. At school it was my clothes. At the pool, it was my curveless body. In my head, it was all of the above.
I was trapped inside my mind with an unwelcome roommate – a constant burning desire to look different.
As I grew older, I couldn’t be in large groups without feeling overwhelmed. Pictures of me left me defeated. I coveted others’ beauty, and it made me feel invisible.
So I made a deal with the devil and sold my soul to become beautiful… well, not exactly.
In fact, I rarely mentioned the pain I was feeling about my appearance. I still avoid talking about it because I don’t want people to think I’m just another giggly “self-conscious” girl seeking attention.
Although many girls suffer from the same low self esteem, I’ve always felt like my definition of self-conscious is a lot different from everyone else’s. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary states that “self consciousness is to be uncomfortably nervous about or embarrassed by what other people think about you”. To me, that doesn’t describe it in the least. What sets true low self esteem apart from simple modesty is the inability to accept positive comments regarding my features.
In the end, I don’t let low self-esteem win the war I’ve been fighting. I sit in front of the mirror, pick up my pencil and draw what I see. We are all works of art, no matter what our eyes and ears tell us.
A drawing destroys the barrier that my eyes alone could never have overcome.
