Journalism I student Emlyn McKinney’s “Letter to My Younger Self” graphic is shown above. McKinney spoke about their experiences with a bad relationship and how they could’ve handled it. “If he causes you discomfort, emotional or physical, you have every right to tell him to stop. To tell him, ‘No,’” McKinney said. I know it’s going to feel like the hardest thing you’ve had to do, but the longer you wait, the more he will continue to affect your future. Trust me.” Graphic edited by Emlyn McKinney
Journalism I student Emlyn McKinney speaks about their experiences with a bad relationship and how it affected them.
Hello. I’m Emlyn McKinney, a freshman and a Journalism I student for the ODYSSEY Media Group at Clarke Central High School, and this is my “Letter to My Younger Self.” In this podcast, students share a letter they’d like to give to their past selves full of advice, warnings, encouragement and insight into what their future holds. This is my Letter to My Younger Self.
Dear 13-year-old Emlyn,
This is you at 15. You’re starting 8th grade, I’m nearing the end of 9th, and I’m so sorry that this letter isn’t being written further in the future when I can say, without a doubt, that I have healed from what happens this year. I’m not trying to scare you, but I need you to know some things so you don’t make the same mistakes I did.
I know, you were hoping for a letter full of encouragement and reassurance that you have everything you’ve ever wanted, and I wish that I could give you that. And I’ll try. 8th grade is so much better than 7th.
You don’t have to worry about drama, cursing or screaming as much. You meet an amazing person who becomes your best friend. You create a good friend group that you meet with every break period. You continue to enjoy and play guitar. You join a Dungeons and Dragons club, and during sessions, you laugh with a person you haven’t talked to since 6th grade.
Many good things happen in 8th grade that I will leave to you to find. But I cannot leave you to stumble upon my mistakes. No, they weren’t reverting to your rash behavior in 7th grade. They weren’t with schoolwork, and they weren’t with family. They were with a person.
He seems harmless at first. He likes hockey, is an easy partner for science projects and he’ll talk to you about Pokémon. But you’ll find yourself inching your chair to the edge of the table to try to put at least a foot of space between you two. You’ll find yourself defending your red face when he thinks it’s because you secretly like him. In actuality, it’s caused by how uncomfortable you are. You’ll find yourself trapped in hugs you never consented to, hoping he’ll take the hint and leave you alone when you freeze up. You’ll find yourself crying at Heirloom in front of your family because he won’t stop touching you.
As you try to explain why he makes you upset, you start to pick apart your own perspective, stuck in a mindset where you feel compelled to have a “good” reason for your emotions — “I haven’t been telling him no. I haven’t been pushing him away. And it’s not like he’s mean, or trying to hurt me.” But with every detail you add in an attempt to be fair to him, you feel like you’re making a big problem out of nothing. You constantly think about how you could have it so, so, so much worse.
But if you won’t go to your family for help, listen to me. My mistakes were never about making a problem bigger than it really was. I made my mistakes when I didn’t trust myself. I know you hate confrontation, but you need to speak up. If he causes you discomfort, emotional or physical, you have every right to tell him to stop. To tell him, “No.” I know it’s going to feel like the hardest thing you’ve had to do, but the longer you wait, the more he will continue to affect your future. Trust me.
Knowing you, there’s a 50% chance you read, “listen to me,” and become angry, asking why you should, why you would have to fix this, why I couldn’t do it myself. Maybe even wonder what’s in it for me. I can answer that one right now: absolutely nothing. What’s done is done, and I can’t change that, no matter how much I want to. The only benefit I would get is if you found a way to contact me to say you told him no. To say you’re safe and loved.
As for the other questions, I am sorry that I can only write you this letter. I wish that I could sit down with you, hold your hand and answer them all. I know you can do this though, and I’m not saying that because I’m required to do so as future you. It’s because I know that you’re tougher and stronger than you think. I’ve been challenged this year, from schoolwork to social interaction, and I’ve done things you never would’ve dreamed of. If you weren’t strong, how else would I have been able to survive being out of my comfort zone?
And you’re not alone. Your best friend? You talk to her and she immediately defends you and finds ways to get you away from the person making you uncomfortable. Another person you reconnect with shows you how to remind him of your boundaries. They both give you the courage and confidence you need to not stay passive.
I still haven’t fully processed all that happened, and he made me question my concept of friendship, and who I should let into my life. This mess made me feel like my thoughts were invalid, and when I got tired, I jumped to solutions that made me feel horrible, ones I never enacted. He caused problems in my life that I’m still cleaning up.
But I just want you to know. You don’t owe him, or anyone, anything. Not time, not friendship, not a hug. Knowing you’re uncomfortable is enough, and you don’t need to twist yourself into knots to avoid making someone sad or angry. I trust that you can say no.
You’re strong and you can do this.
I love you,
15-year-old Emlyn
