Sophomore Roxanne Domizi poses for a picture to represent her anxiety. Domizi has struggled with the disorder for the majority of her life, and is learning healthy ways to cope. Photo taken by Denise Domizi and edited by Kelly Fulford
Sophomore Roxanne Domizi reflects on her lifelong struggle with anxiety and her journey to getting better.
My first clear experience with anxiety came early on.
In fifth grade, I was assigned an essay on what I would do with a magic carpet. Sitting at my desk, listening to the other kids read theirs in front of the class, I began shaking.
Inside my head, my thoughts were going a million miles per hour. I considered changing my story to make it more like theirs. I tried very hard to make myself less visible so that the teacher wouldn’t pick me next. I thought a lot of things, but overpowering all of them was chaotic and panicked fear.
I doubt the disorder had been explained to me at that point. If I had known the word’s definition according to oxforddictionaries.com, “A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome,” I would’ve realized it had been with me my whole life.
Four years later, I was diagnosed with social and generalized anxiety disorder.
Although I found relief in knowing I had a problem, I couldn’t ignore the feeling of hopelessness that began to grow in me. Most other people didn’t have to live with the issue, but I couldn’t imagine life without it.
An anxious and afraid existence was the only one I knew, and I was convinced it was here to stay.
With the help of a therapist, I have learned that my condition won’t go straight from severe to solved. I adjusted my goal from an immediate and full recovery to improving a bit each day.
Like most other mental illnesses, anxiety has no cure, but getting better through treatment is possible. The things that help me personally range from taking medication to remembering to breathe in difficult situations. Each of these little things help me gradually move towards an anxiety-free life.
I know the future possibility of living without the condition is far away, but I watch myself get closer each day, and that’s good enough for now.
