Senior Nicole Ramos is hugged by her mother in a digital illustration. Ramos’ mother passed away in 2005 and is remembered as a fighter and role model. Illustration by Shea Peters
Variety Staffer Nicole Ramos shares how the loss of her mother affected her and how she has learned to heal from it.
Though I don’t have the memories that most kids have with their moms, I can say that my mother was the best mother that any child could wish for.
Before I was born, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It came unexpectedly, and my mother’s doctor told her to stop chemotherapy because it would have an impact on me. When I was born, cancer affected her more than normal. She was really sick, but she was a fighter, she didn’t give up, and I gave her the happiness that she needed in those hard moments.
My mother died when I was four years old.
When I was around 10 years old, my father told me everything, with all the details of my mother’s death. After he told me, I thought that it was my fault because of the sacrifices my mother made for me. It took me a while to realize that my mom stopped her chemotherapy for a purpose: she wanted me to live for the both of us.
One of the few memories I have with my mother is her telling me, “Siempre seras la princesita de mami,” which means, “You are always going to be mommy’s little princess.” Every time I feel like I can’t keep going, I sit down and think about those words.
I can’t say, “My mother taught me how to do this,” or “My mother did this with me.” But I can say, “My mother is the reason why I don’t give up.” She is the reason why I keep pushing myself to keep going, to keep working hard, and she is the reason I’m who I am now.
And I wish I could tell her, “I love you, and thank you for what you did for me. You are the best mother ever.”
