The personified version of perfectionism looms behind Viewpoints editor Molly Harwell, controlling her mind. Harwell writes an open letter to perfectionism, describing how she has learned to control it. Illustration by Eleanor Robinson
Viewpoints editor Molly Harwell writes an open letter to perfectionism, about her struggle with feeling pressure to be the best and how she is working to overcome it.
Dear Perfectionism,
Thank you for messing everything up.
I’ve known you since I was young. Every coloring page, every art project, every dance recital had to be absolutely perfect, because of you.
Because of you, my entire life has been centered around mentally and physically damaging overachievement. Because of you, no grade is good enough unless it’s a 100. Because of you, Perfectionism, I constantly feel the pressure to be the best lingering over me.
You put me down. You make me feel as if I’m not good enough if I don’t pass that test, if I don’t win that award, if I don’t get first place.
I do my best to ignore you, to shove you down deep in my mind where I think no one will ever find you. But you always find a way out. You crash through like a wave, leaving mass destruction in your wake, leaving me to pick up the pieces.
This back-and-forth game has been going on for years, draining my energy, my effort, my ability to work. Your weight is like chains around my soul, constantly dragging me back from my potential, farther and farther away from what you promised me.
No one understands you; they don’t understand the way you’ve manipulated me, the way you’ve deceived me.
I’ve tried and tried to please you, offering more of myself to you every time. But it never seems to be enough, and instead of letting that be your fault, I blame myself for the problems you cause.
This time, however, I’m holding you accountable.
Looking around me, I can see that nothing is perfect. No flower is completely flawless, but we can still delight in its beauty. A crumpled piece of paper isn’t perfectly smooth, but the possibility of the blank canvas draws you in. And while we may not admit it, everyone loves slightly burnt toast.
Not every grade has to be a 100. Not every art project has to look like a DaVinci painting. I don’t have to be the best at anything, because the truth is, no one is perfect.
It’s been difficult getting over you. But now, I realize that my best is good enough. You can take back the lies you told me – I don’t need them anymore.
Sincerely,
Molly Harwell
