Webmaster Anna Shaikun is pictured on the ‘This I believe’ background. Shaikun spoke about her experience with treating herself as a friend, and how that has impacted her outlook on life. Graphic by Anna Shaikun
Webmaster Anna Shaikun shares her belief that she can go about life better by treating herself like a friend.
Hi, I’m Anna Shaikun, a sophomore and Webmaster for the ODYSSEY Media Group at Clarke Central High School. This is “This I believe.” These are essays that discuss the origin, importance and rationale behind people’s personal belief systems. Students will share their personal essays discussing how these beliefs affect their everyday lives, times they may have been challenged, and how they may impact the lives of those around them. This is my “This I Believe.”
Ever since I received grades in school, I pressured myself to get A’s. Throughout my experience with middle school band, I had to earn first chair for my section every time, or else I’d feel like a failure. Often, I felt like what I achieved was more important than how I was doing, physically and mentally. I would often ignore how I was feeling until it became a problem.
While I had known this for a while, I didn’t think about it very often. However, a brief interaction truly brought it to my attention.
One day, when I was with a group of my friends, one of them casually said something along the lines of “I’m probably dehydrated.” Because I knew that this friend would sometimes ignore their needs, I decided to take things into my own hands and gave them a glass of water. I believed I had made a good choice to fix a simple problem.
A few minutes later, it dawned on me that I wouldn’t do that for myself. While I didn’t think twice about getting a glass of water for my friend, I could recall several times where I had gone without water to the point where I had gotten dizzy.
I was right before when I said it was a simple solution. It was easy to help my friend — and it could be a simple solution for me too. All I needed to do was treat myself like I would treat my friend. Often, I get so caught up in my worries and excuses that it can be difficult to make good decisions. When dealing with a friend, the bias isn’t there- it’s usually a simple path to find the best option.
Since I’ve started to utilize this approach, I’ve noticed myself becoming healthier. I’ve stopped agonizing over my appearance so much, although that still happens from time to time. I’m taking more responsibility for my physical health, and have been drinking a healthy amount of water.
In addition to my own positive experiences using this mindset, this belief system runs in my family. When I told my mom that I was beginning the journey of treating myself like a friend, she replied that she did something similar.
When my mom would be stressed out due to her work, she would often be hard on herself about missing an opportunity or would become upset over a setback. She told me that when she felt like that, she would ask herself, “What would I tell Anna?”
Because we both have some of the same anxious tendencies, my mom would treat herself like she would treat me: by saying that the problem will pass and that failure doesn’t define us.
One specific time that treating myself like a friend helped me was when I had an abundance of homework. I had put off some of the work I had to do for science that week and needed to have the work done by the end of class the next day. It was already almost 10:00 at night. I decided to do a portion of the work that night, but do the rest early the next day.
While it was tempting to do everything that night and get it out of the way, I took into account what I would say to a friend: that you should not stay up unreasonably late just to do schoolwork. I now know that while I shouldn’t have let my workload accumulate to that point, staying up late would have made me tired and unable to focus, and wouldn’t have helped me in the long run.
Thankfully, I was able to get everything done in time, but I recognized that I would’ve told a friend to make sure that they do their work ahead of time and not procrastinate. From that point onward, I have usually followed that advice.
It can be extremely beneficial to treat yourself as your own best friend. Creating some distance between yourself and your problems can allow you to see solutions you don’t look at through your own eyes.
Sometimes it can be difficult to utilize this approach, especially if you’re someone who has troubles with their self-esteem. But even if it’s difficult to be your own friend, you are someone’s friend, and they would want you to care for yourself. Imagine their voice if it helps.
So when you’re feeling overwhelmed, step back, take a deep breath, and think, “What would I tell my best friend?”
