Freshman Violet Merritt looks into a mirror while applying makeup.”Apparently, it’s not attractive to be self conscious,” Merritt said.
By VIOLET MERRITT – News Writer
Freshman Violet Merritt explores three conflicting ideas and their detrimental effects.
The first time I thought about the term vain was when I was nine. A photographer at a festival took a photo of me and a friend. The camera flashed and the woman thanked us. My friend then asked if her eyes were closed and if they were, if she could she retake it.
This confused me: why did my friend care care? I asked my mom about it. She told me it was vanity. I was nine and the concept was still foreign to me but for some reason, I took my friend’s “vanity” as a bad quality. Somehow, the fact that I didn’t think I had the same trait made me hold myself as her superior.
The first time I thought about the term self-confidence was when I was 11. There was one boy who, despite having never spoken a word to me, was infatuated with what I assume was my appearance. It wasn’t puppy love, as my peers and even teachers liked to call it. It was harassment. I didn’t see it as that at the time though, I had been taught to not be. It made me uncomfortable and self-conscious. But still, I was told to take it all as a compliment. I was told that it should build my self-confidence.
Self-confidence? I knew the concept but I had never yet before thought about it in terms of myself. Being told that these comments and actions should “build my self-confidence” completely warped its meaning to me. Google defines the term as “confidence in oneself and in one’s powers and abilities.” Was my appearance my only power now? My only ability? I was told to take consolation in the fact that my looks got me this attention.
These remarks might seem harmless or even like they are an attempt to make me feel better, they try to boost my self-confidence. But that’s not their intention. Their intent is to remind me that no one likes someone too self-effacing. That’s right, there’s also such a thing as being too modest.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines modesty as “the quality of not being too proud or confident about yourself or your abilities.” OK. Now it’s getting ridiculous. We are told to be confident in ourselves but not too confident? These pillars are long outdated- they’re not worth the pain. Even writing this, I have to stop myself from choosing my words carefully as my subconscious longs to not sound too full of myself. I’ve learned that such attempts are futile because these concepts are too detrimental to be taken seriously.
“Be proud because your face is considered to be desirable. But wait, don’t get too confident, vanity isn’t good. Instead, you should feign modesty, that’s definitely better.”
But what if I’m none of those?
Apparently, it’s not attractive to be self conscious.
