Viewpoints Staffer Sam Harwell’s “This I Believe” graphic is shown above. Harwell discussed his experience with feelings of failure and how his struggle has weighed him down in the past. “Failure can be overwhelming. Failure can be crippling. Failure can be embarrassing. But you should never let your past failures control your life today,” Harwell said. “Shake off that guilt and anxiety. Live your life in the present.” Graphic by Sam Harwell
Viewpoints Staffer Sam Harwell discusses the impact failure has had on his life.
Hi, I’m Sam Harwell, a sophomore and a Viewpoints Staffer for the ODYSSEY Media Group. This is “This I Believe.” These are essays that discuss the origin, importance, and rationale behind people’s personal belief systems. Students will share their personal essays discussing how these beliefs affect their everyday lives, times they may have been challenged, and how they may impact the lives of those around them. This is “This I Believe.”
I’m trailing behind the other people. It’s hot, and sweat is pouring down my face. I have to finish this lap in under two minutes, but I don’t think I can. My eyes are blurring and my chest is throbbing as I try to use the last little strength I have in my legs to get me across the finish line.
I finish my lap, way over the time limit, and immediately crumple to my knees. I plant my forehead onto the ground and I feel tears well up in my eyes. I’m not going to make the team. I’m just not good enough.
I hate that. That feeling of failure.
I’m generally pretty tough on myself. When I fail at something, I shut down. I hang my head low, and my stomach drops. The failure is all I can think about. I’ll try and go to sleep that night, but the moment will continue to replay in my head.
I try to give myself reasoning as to why the scenario happened, and why I made the mistake. However, it rarely works. Instead, I automatically jump to conclusions and assume the worst.
Thinking about failure in such a negative light has been detrimental to my mental health. I try to force myself to be better instead of learning and growing from my mistakes.
This leads me to see failure differently than others might. Instead of just trying to do better next time, I fear failure and run from it. I would rather not try than fail.
This paralysis makes me fall behind. I don’t play well in soccer games, I struggle with my school assignments and I become irritable. It becomes a vicious cycle, me slipping, falling down a mountain due to a mistake, trying to climb back up only to slip and fall once again.
If you do an activity for a long amount of time, you are bound to make mistakes. Think of playing a sport and underperforming in a game, or going to school and failing some assignments. That’s just how it goes.
For me, my activity was Taekwondo, which I did for 9 years.
Most people who do Taekwondo are climbing towards their black belt, but many ranks come before. To rank up, they would have to break one or more wooden boards with a technique that depended on their rank.
I was really bad at breaking these boards. I’d hit the board as hard as I could and watch as it didn’t break. I couldn’t handle it. A lump would rise in my throat as I tried to swallow the urge to cry.
Nevertheless, through a lot of repeated failures, I somehow continued to rise through the ranks until I reached my test for my black belt. I had to break three boards: one with the palm of my hand, one with a 180-degree roundhouse kick, and one with a run and jump kick. If you fail to break all the boards three times, you fail the test.
I broke the board with my palm in one try and broke the board with the roundhouse in two tries, leaving me with two fails left. I stepped back for the run-jump kick. I ran up, kicked out and didn’t break the board.
And suddenly, the lump in my throat appeared. Fortunately, my Taekwondo instructor noticed me struggling. He watched me grow up from 5-years-old to 13-years-old. He looked me in the eyes and told me something I’ll never forget.
“You’re too focused on the past. Breathe, and break the board.” So I took a deep breath in, ran and snapped the board in two.
Failure can be overwhelming. Failure can be crippling. Failure can be embarrassing. But you should never let your past failures control your life today. Shake off that guilt and anxiety. Live your life in the present.
As for me, I still struggle with feelings of failure and disappointment, but I’ve grown to learn how to calm myself down and continue forward. I remind myself:
“Just breathe and break the board.”
This I Believe.
