The ‘Letter to My Younger Self’ graphic is shown. News Staffer Emily Couch talks to her 14-year-old self about the anxiety of her sister leaving for college. Graphic by Anna Shaikun
News Staffer Emily Couch talks about a time where she experienced anxiety in her life, a memory involving her sister moving away to college.
Hi, I’m Emily Couch, a senior and a News Staffer for the ODYSSEY Media Group at Clarke Central High School, and this is my “Letter to My Younger Self.” In this podcast, students share a letter they’d like to give to their past selves full of advice, warnings, encouragement and insight into what their future holds. This is my letter to my younger self.
Dear 14-year-old Emily,
I wish that I could give you a hug or have someone do it for me, but I will let my words comfort you in any way that they can. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day, I will not lie to you. You will be exhausted, frustrated, bitter. But most of all, you will be cheerless and anxious, Emily. Tomorrow you will be forced to say goodbye to your best friend. Tomorrow you will be forced to say goodbye to your sister.
You’ll be excited for Karis, of course, helping her set up her dorm room and organizing the slightly tilted, wooden drawers under her lofted bed. You’ve been planning out her room and the artistic theme for a couple of weeks now, and tomorrow will be the day that you execute your creative abilities. The pops of yellow and blue, the exact color that matches Karis’s eyes, was a solid choice. Nice one.
You will enjoy yourself when doing it, when unboxing the Target desk organizers you suggested she should get. You will.
But you will also continue to watch the clock, and will hold on to each minute as it ends to start the next one. The funny thing is that whenever you would watch the clock during class or at water polo practice, time would stand still and taunt you with each number that slowly turns to the next. But now, each number is teasing you, as if showing off their speed of how fast they can make it to the next digit. How unfair!
However, you will feel a sense of peace when cleaning her countertops and window sill because you know that you are helping her feel more at home and safe. You know that she will appreciate it.
But Emily, that is all you can do. That is all you have control over. You will only have control over how many times you fluff the yellow pillows on her bed or straighten out every picture on her wall. It does not matter how many times you Windex the window by her bed or wipe down her bedside table.
You are unable to control the time, the change that is taking place. And it will hurt because you will feel as though your best friend in the entire world, the one who can read your mind and finish your sentences, is leaving you behind to start her future.
But please remember that it is her time to move on. Karis needs this, Emily and you will finally trust that when the new normal of being an “only child” at home sinks in, you will understand why she had to leave her hometown. You will understand that Karis is now given the freedom to express herself freely and create new and meaningful friendships that make her happy, concepts that were always out of reach from her grasp during high school, a time full of mean people and girls.
I promise you that you will understand this and that your time will come, but for now, enjoy the last moments with her in her dorm room. Enjoy taking a picture of Karis on her lofted, color-filled bed, in front of her pictured memories on the wall. Enjoy giving her one last hug, because it will be the last one for a while. But most of all, enjoy the smile that will grow across her face when she sees her new and completed home. Enjoy those little things because those moments are the ones that will leave an imprint on your memory, hence me writing about them now.
When you look at the clock for the final time, you will notice the dreaded and loud silence that fills the room. Almost as if the silence is screaming at you. But listen to it. Embrace it because for a moment, the time will stand still and you will get the chance to soak in every single detail of her room. The room you helped design and organize. The room you made for her. The room that will bring her comfort.
Please fluff the long, blue pillow one more time and straighten out the blanket at the end of her bed. Knowing you did this will ease your mind on the drive home, trust me.
And when you look back towards her at the bottom of the staircase, give her a smile. A simple smile because she will always know and remember what it means. She will know that within that smile you are telling her how proud you are of her and how much you love her.
She will know, I promise.
Keep FaceTiming her and texting her throughout your day. Keep asking her about questions and what you should wear the next day to school. She loves and appreciates it.
She will be fine Emily. She will be happy.
With love,
17-year-old Emily
